Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
This beer is not sobering me up at all
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
