I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
