The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
