Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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