I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
and she was petting her beer can
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
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She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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