I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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