Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
