I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
