When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Randomize
