I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize