I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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