We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
And then he peed in my hair
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