She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vodka?
Forever.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize