You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
