He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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