It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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