i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
