they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
