i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
