The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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