I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
