i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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