Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
