guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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