My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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