If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
