Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
