Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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