and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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