I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
