Dude my mom stole all your condoms
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
