He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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