i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
