guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
