Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
