she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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