my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
