I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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