How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
