My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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