remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
