i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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