Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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