wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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