Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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