If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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