Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
