areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
