Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
