I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
