hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
