ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
