Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
