i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
