i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just blew my weed a kiss
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
