What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
