Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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