Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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