a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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