he was CRYING into my vagina
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
