I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I just found a bag of teeth...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
