I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize