when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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