why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
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I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.