wanna go halves on a baby?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
