I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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