im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think people are normalizing furries
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.