I can't watch pbs sober anymore
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
