My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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