You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".