i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.