ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
