Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
