i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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