Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
