you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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