I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
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