Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Vodka?
Forever.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
