If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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