the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Randomize
