I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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