Plan B is the new Plan A
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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